Monday, October 12, 2009
Gay Rights Marchers in DC
View the article here. "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" is a military policy which bans questioning about sexual orientation, but allows gays to be discharged for coming out.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
MORE on lesbianism
I was reading an old copy of MORE today. (Yes, I know this is a magazine for women over 40. No, I am not over 40 or even close. Yes, I know I'm weird.)
A while ago, I read an issue, the one before the May 09 one most likely, that had an article titled, "Over 40 and Over Men". As you can guess, it was about women who come out as lesbians in midlife. Some were even married. I found it very interesting, and I think it shows how deep-seated our assumption that we are straight is.
But my focus is on the issue I was reading today, and the letters from readers section. Here is one comment:
"My surprise when reading "Over 40 and Over Men was not that some women become lesbians later in life but rather that the writer portrayed the women's coming out as a positive choice for their families. Are all husbands of wives who announce they are gay and ending their marriage going to encourage them to "explore their new feelings"? The article also glossed over how a woman's decision to leave her family for a lesbian lifestyle affects her children. A more balanced view of such an important life decision would have been more appropriate." ~ Ann L., San Diego, California, "Letters." MORE May 2009: 16
The main assumption this letter is based on is that lesbianism (sorry, guys, but like I said, MORE, and therefore the articles in it, are for women) is something that 'happens', or is our choice, as though these women are bored of their straight marriage, and seek excitement in starting over in a same-sex relationship.
The question I would like to pose is, who in their right mind would choose this?
I don't mean this to say we should try to force ourselves to be straight. The kind of choice that involves accepting yourself is one I wholeheartedly support. But back when you thought you were straight, as I'm sure many of us did, would you have simply decided to be gay? Many of us even wished we were straight. And why not? It would sure save a lot of persecution, coming-out stress, and annoyance at having to correct people. It would bypass a whole lot of moral questions, too.
I believe that the decision to accept oneself as gay, and on a bigger scale, the decision to come out, is simply and purely a decision to be honest, with yourself and everyone else, about something close to the center of your being.
Oddly enough, this applies to me very little. If I were given that choice, to be gay or straight, I would, and may have, chosen to be gay.
As a wrap-up, I would like to say that in no way am I criticizing MORE. In the same issue, it mentions Ellen Degeneres (page 63), whom you probably know as a lesbian with her own TV show, and this letter:
"This was a great article and very tastefully written. As a woman who came out at 40, I found it to be right on the money. Thanks for writing it!" ~ Teresa Dominik (via MORE.com), Bryan, Texas, also page 16.
A while ago, I read an issue, the one before the May 09 one most likely, that had an article titled, "Over 40 and Over Men". As you can guess, it was about women who come out as lesbians in midlife. Some were even married. I found it very interesting, and I think it shows how deep-seated our assumption that we are straight is.
But my focus is on the issue I was reading today, and the letters from readers section. Here is one comment:
"My surprise when reading "Over 40 and Over Men was not that some women become lesbians later in life but rather that the writer portrayed the women's coming out as a positive choice for their families. Are all husbands of wives who announce they are gay and ending their marriage going to encourage them to "explore their new feelings"? The article also glossed over how a woman's decision to leave her family for a lesbian lifestyle affects her children. A more balanced view of such an important life decision would have been more appropriate." ~ Ann L., San Diego, California, "Letters." MORE May 2009: 16
The main assumption this letter is based on is that lesbianism (sorry, guys, but like I said, MORE, and therefore the articles in it, are for women) is something that 'happens', or is our choice, as though these women are bored of their straight marriage, and seek excitement in starting over in a same-sex relationship.
The question I would like to pose is, who in their right mind would choose this?
I don't mean this to say we should try to force ourselves to be straight. The kind of choice that involves accepting yourself is one I wholeheartedly support. But back when you thought you were straight, as I'm sure many of us did, would you have simply decided to be gay? Many of us even wished we were straight. And why not? It would sure save a lot of persecution, coming-out stress, and annoyance at having to correct people. It would bypass a whole lot of moral questions, too.
I believe that the decision to accept oneself as gay, and on a bigger scale, the decision to come out, is simply and purely a decision to be honest, with yourself and everyone else, about something close to the center of your being.
Oddly enough, this applies to me very little. If I were given that choice, to be gay or straight, I would, and may have, chosen to be gay.
As a wrap-up, I would like to say that in no way am I criticizing MORE. In the same issue, it mentions Ellen Degeneres (page 63), whom you probably know as a lesbian with her own TV show, and this letter:
"This was a great article and very tastefully written. As a woman who came out at 40, I found it to be right on the money. Thanks for writing it!" ~ Teresa Dominik (via MORE.com), Bryan, Texas, also page 16.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Gay or Trans?
Several days ago, Monday I think, I saw the latest episode of a TV show called Glee on Hulu.com. It was hilarious. I don't know how many times I watched the beginning. It started out with one of the characters, a boy, doing the Beyoncé Single Ladies dance, wearing a unitard. A boy doing a girly dance to a girly song in a girly outfit. You can imagine why it was so funny.
However, all praise aside, it wasn't entirely accurate. The point of the dance was to emphasize the character's femininity, since the character was gay. Except a guy doesn't have to be girly to be gay. That whole stereotype is more indicative of trans people.
I wasn't offended or anything, I could appreciate the humor, but I decided to use it to make a point.
Again, a few definitions are needed here. All these are defined as adjectives, but 'gay', 'transsexual', and 'transvestite' can all be used as nouns. That is, I write the definitions as descriptions (a gay person, a transsexual person), but you can also use them as definers (a gay, a transsexual) though that's not entirely polite.
Gay--to be solely attracted to people of the same biological sex.
Transsexual--to have had sex reassignment surgery. Some people don't identify as transsexual, rather they feel that they have become the opposite gender.
Transvestite--to dress as the opposite gender.
Transgender--to feel that one is actually a separate gender from one's biological gender. It can also include transvestite, transsexual, and intersex. When I say 'trans', I mean transgender.
Femme--feminine, girly.
Butch--masculine.
Trans people can be gay, bi, or straight. People happy with the gender they were born with can be gay, bi, or straight.
The guy on Glee (season 1, episode Preggers) was stereotypically femme, which ended in just about everybody knowing the truth without his telling them. But although it's certainly true that gay men can be femme, they can just as easily be butch. All the same, I do recommend the episode, and the previous one, Acafellas. Most any of us can identify with his difficulty coming out, even if not with his dress sense.
Who would have guessed I was anything but completely straight, the way I talk about guys? I do like to dance with them, and I do find them handsome, but a girl can get into my blood the way no guy so far has. I'm not taking a definitive label yet, but that's okay. I know who I am. I'm Phoenix Tawnyflower.
However, all praise aside, it wasn't entirely accurate. The point of the dance was to emphasize the character's femininity, since the character was gay. Except a guy doesn't have to be girly to be gay. That whole stereotype is more indicative of trans people.
I wasn't offended or anything, I could appreciate the humor, but I decided to use it to make a point.
Again, a few definitions are needed here. All these are defined as adjectives, but 'gay', 'transsexual', and 'transvestite' can all be used as nouns. That is, I write the definitions as descriptions (a gay person, a transsexual person), but you can also use them as definers (a gay, a transsexual) though that's not entirely polite.
Gay--to be solely attracted to people of the same biological sex.
Transsexual--to have had sex reassignment surgery. Some people don't identify as transsexual, rather they feel that they have become the opposite gender.
Transvestite--to dress as the opposite gender.
Transgender--to feel that one is actually a separate gender from one's biological gender. It can also include transvestite, transsexual, and intersex. When I say 'trans', I mean transgender.
Femme--feminine, girly.
Butch--masculine.
Trans people can be gay, bi, or straight. People happy with the gender they were born with can be gay, bi, or straight.
The guy on Glee (season 1, episode Preggers) was stereotypically femme, which ended in just about everybody knowing the truth without his telling them. But although it's certainly true that gay men can be femme, they can just as easily be butch. All the same, I do recommend the episode, and the previous one, Acafellas. Most any of us can identify with his difficulty coming out, even if not with his dress sense.
Who would have guessed I was anything but completely straight, the way I talk about guys? I do like to dance with them, and I do find them handsome, but a girl can get into my blood the way no guy so far has. I'm not taking a definitive label yet, but that's okay. I know who I am. I'm Phoenix Tawnyflower.
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