Vivaldi in the Dark (and sequels)

by Matthew J. Metzger

This one has absolutely nothing to do with trans* topics, but includes gay, bisexual, asexual, and experimenting characters, and these books are wonderful, and Matt deserves some free publicity, so you're getting a review anyway.

Vivaldi in the Dark, The Devil's Trill Sonata, and Rhapsody on a Theme are a trilogy exploring Jayden and Darren throughout the course of their relationship. So as to avoid spoilers, I'll only summarize the first one. When Jayden discovers a wild-haired, blunt boy practicing Vivaldi, he doesn't expect the prodigy to become his defender against schoolyard bullies. He doesn't expect to fall head-over-heels with Darren and his violin playing. But what he absolutely never imagined is that Darren struggles with severe depression that will impact Jayden's whole life if they pursue a relationship. Trigger warnings over the course of the trilogy include depression, panic attacks, self-harm, suicide, violence by mugging, car accidents, and poor reactions to medication.

They're beautifully contrasting characters. Darren is brusk, lacking a brain-to-mouth filter and rarely willing to talk about feelings. His father pressures him daily to become ever better at the violin, never listening to Darren, who doesn't want to go into music. Jayden is naive by comparison, despite being out at school as gay. His parents love him completely and constantly have his back as he struggles to understand Darren. Jayden falls in love with Darren for his violin playing, but it grows into something much stronger and much more powerful. Jayden's optimism combined with Darren's bluntness keeps a reader hooked and waiting to find out if love will conquer all...if it even can.
 Matt's books, especially Rhapsody on a Theme, have a tendency to start in odd places, and definitely eschew the traditional plotline of coming to a climax that the characters got themselves into and then ending. In multiple places, events happen that are completely random and out of the characters' control. The effect this has, though, is to keep us constantly guessing and unsure what the consequences will be. Especially in RoaT, he removes the surety of 'well, we're twenty pages from the end, this is definitely the climax' and that removes the surety that things will turn out a certain way. Matt tackles challenges like convincingly emotionally aging characters, writing from two points of view in two different places, and realistically describing the struggle with mental illness like a pro. The writing gets ever better throughout the trilogy. I have only two complaints with the whole series.  Jayden thinks Darren's violin playing worsens his depression, and I never noticed a connection...could have been me being oblivious, though. And Darren comes to completely rely on Jayden, saying, essentially, that he can't live without him, and nobody comments on how a relationship can't be healthy if one partner feels they can't leave the relationship--whether they want to or not, it's still trapping them. I'm willing to forgive it this, because it is a romance, as long as I can register with y'all that you should never feel like you cannot survive losing any given person, and that if you do, you're not in a healthy or stable place with yourself or with the other person.

Overall rating:
Vivaldi in the Dark: 4/5
The Devil's Trill Sonata: 5/5
Rhapsody on a Theme: 5/5

Project upshot: Absolutely nothing, but you should read them anyway and buy copies for all your friends.

Transgender 101: A Simple Guide to a Complex Issue

by Nicholas M Teich

Transgender 101 does what it says on the tin--it's a simple explanation geared mostly toward family, friends, and significant others of transgender people explaining what being transgender is. It gives the best clear-cut, non-judgmental explanation of 'feeling like' some gender that doesn't match up with your assigned sex is, with a detailed explanation of the differences between assigned sex, gender identity, and gender expression, and their interactions. It gives descriptions of the hormones and surgery trans people can choose to take/undergo and their physical effects while emphasizing that everyone is different and not everyone will want hormones, surgery, or both. It's also useful for newly out (to themselves) transpeople who want a clear-cut explanation of their choices, the limitations surrounding those choices, and what is likely to be going through the heads of family, friends, and coworkers as they start to come out. Finally, it provides a brief history of the understanding of transgenderism and touches on the intersections with class, race, nationality, and sexism.

Its only flaw was some debate about terms--I'm not sure it's accurate in its definitions of 'transgender' and 'transsexual', and it didn't mention that these terms are used differently by different people. Also, it gave outdated definitions for 'pansexual' and 'asexual' and didn't touch on the romantic spectrum at all, but I thought it could be forgiven for that since sexual/romantic orientation wasn't its focus--in fact, it repeated several times that they were not the same thing and should not be treated as such. It used permutations of'gender assigned' and 'natal sex' but focused on the concept that the letter on a birth certificate is assigned by a medical professional or a parent, not something inherent and immutable. It's current, which is really nice--it provides descriptions of both the just-outdated DSM-IV and its Gender Identity Disorder and the just-in DSM-V and its Gender Dysphoria. Definitely recommended for anyone with basic questions about what it means to be trans, both in the 'definition' sense and the 'now what' sense. It focused on MTF and FTM transpeople, but did acknowledge other gender identities, specifically genderqueer, and other types of queering the gender binary which may or may not be tied to transgenderism for any given person, specifically, gender variant/gender nonconforming, crossdressing, drag, and disorders of sex development/intersexism.

Overall rating: 4.5/5

Project upshot: Not eligible for use in the paragraph I need for the conference, this book will still be helpful in terms of what Leandra's going to find as s/he starts to do research, and for informing the reactions of various people in the story. I think I won't give it back to the library just yet.

More on gender.

Some boys like to wear girl clothes. But they don't want to be girls. The New York Times published a lovely article on the 'middle space' between traditionally feminine and traditionally masculine, one in which girls live with no trouble, but into which boys have to fight for entrance.
One of the blogs I follow is about one such boy, called C.J., and written by his mother. You should read it.
Also check out Twirl and his brother Tornado and sister Firecracker.
In other news, I got into that art show! You should go and check me out! April 1-7, GMU.

Tomboys, mothers, and finger lengths

Another thing I keep finding is that whenever there's anything related to being lesbian, it doesn't apply. I'm not a tomboy. I don't act boyish or anything. I don't wear makeup, but I think I'm beautiful. I'm a black belt in taekwondo, but I never liked sports when I was little and I still hate to sweat. Bit counter-intuitive, I know. I don't fuss a lot over my clothes, unless there's a girl to impress. I played with dolls when I was little (admittedly unlike anyone else I know, but I think that has more to do with being a writer than a lesbian), and house, and painted my room pink. Although my hair's fairly short, and has been for quite a bit of my life, I quite frankly love long hair, except for the upkeep, on anyone. I love playing with it and having mine played with and I think it's beautiful. But not just the obvious, half-stereotypical things. Apparently there was a study done where women's and men's fingers were measured. Straight women tend to have ring fingers and middle fingers the same length, while men and lesbians tend to have noticeable differences. Not me. Nor do I have a distant mother. I tend to think my mother and I have an excellent relationship, actually. We treat each other like equals, which is more than I can say for some mother-daughter relationships. Does that make me any less lesbian? Was I some kind of social convert? Of course not. As I've said before, I had crushes on boys when I was little, but when I started finding girls I loved, I a) knew the romance when I felt it, instead of burying it under friendship and b) never connected the label to myself. I knew I wanted to marry Audacia, and then Allegra, without thinking about it in terms of sex, either. And now I'm kind of annoyed at society for daring to make me feel anything close to undeserving of my own sexuality. You are the only one who has the right to name yourself--or not!--, regardless of your play preferences, your family dynamic, or the length of your fingers.

Coming Out

Wow. What a scary thought.
If we don't--we pay the price of hiding, always hiding.
If we do--we run the risks. Of being found out. Of being alienated: by 'friends forever'. By family. By everyone at school (or church, or 4-H, or any other club). By the one you were hoping would say, "Me, too!" and live happily ever after with.
The toll that would take is almost too much to risk. Almost.
There are precautions, of course. You don't have to suddenly go to school wearing a shirt that says "Yeah, I'm Gay" on it. One at a time is okay. And you can gauge their responses.
I'm saving for later the people who slip. Comments on two boys hugging? A confused/disgusted face at a Facebook 'marriage'?
Not today I won't.
But there's my best friend, who just might be able to accept me. Which would be worse: to be alienated by all the people you see all the time, or by one of the very people whose opinions actually matter?
Not to scare you. There are plenty of people who will accept you with open arms if you tell them.
Just that there are people who won't. And sometimes it really matters, like parents. No matter how wonderful they are, have a place in mind to go if worst comes to worst.
My parents are pretty okay with me, so my best friend is the next step. It doesn't have to be that way for you. Friends first, then parents is okay. But today, I told my friend the truth.
I had everything to lose. The one person I can really talk to. I figured if I could trust anyone, I could trust her. But by the same token, if I couldn't trust her, who could I trust?
It's the season of celebration. I gave her the gift of my life: My trust, and the truth.
It took courage to do that. Especially when I have doubts myself. What if I made a huge mistake? I'm pretty sure I didn't. But I've never been kissed. I've never been on a date. How can I be sure?
My mom sort of figured it out. In fact, after I told her about my wedding dreams (with two brides) at the age of thirteen, she gave me the book that made me go, huh. Gay.
I mean, I knew what it meant. I'd just never applied it to myself.
My dad got the "I think there's a very good chance that I'm a lesbian".
To her, I said it out loud. For the first time to someone else, I literally said, "I'm gay."
It felt right.
She did what I'd hoped: She asked questions. She wanted to know how I knew.
I said, "Well, I keep falling in love with girls. That was kind of a giveaway."
I also mentioned out loud the two and a half year infatuation with the same girl. It occurred to me, that doesn't just happen. She never egged me on, at least not intentionally, and I've still been in love with her that long.
She told me that it would be really strange for her to have a problem with it. In fact, I half expected her to already know. It will be wonderful if things can be normal again. I really hope I haven't screwed up our relationship at all. I'll cross my fingers: for her, and for all of you.

Choices

Why anyone would think people choose to be GLBT is beyond me. And this is why.
Science indicates that genes and hormones both have to do with being gay. And it is definitively not classified as a mental illness.
Or, if you're the sort of person who doesn't trust science, here's some logic.
Why would I choose:
1. To risk my family ties and my friendships, and even be kicked out of my house
2. To make it more difficult to get/keep a job (it's still legal to fire me in most states)
3. To limit my dating options to less than 10% of the population
4. To be called names, teased, bullied, and even beaten and killed
5. To face such depression I commit suicide
6. To be persecuted by people who say they're of my own religion
7. To be stereotyped
8. To feel unable to talk about dating/crushes/love with friends, acquaintances or coworkers
9. To worry about moral issues, whether I'm unnatural or immoral or somehow not good enough
10. To face the incredibly painful pressure of coming out when anyone I love could turn against me, tell me to go away or get out, or start spreading the news around.

If people want to rebel, they do drugs, drink, smoke. Maybe, just maybe they hook up with someone of the same sex. But they certainly don't 'decide' to be gay.
If people just want more sex, they keep their options open! There are far more straight people to be found than gay people. And if you're going, well, what about those bisexual people? Then let me tell you bisexuals are often discriminated against by gay and straight alike. How's that for limiting?
And specifically for transgender people:
First, who's ever heard of being transgender? That's even harder to accidentally find information on than being gay. It's an awful lot of work to go to for a 'phase' or to punish someone.
Second, transgender people experience the feeling that they are actually in the wrong body (gender dysphoria). Not just dating the wrong people, but in the wrong body. How'd you like that?
Third, if a transgender person decides to dress as their gender identity, that can be quite obvious to complete strangers, much more so than someone's sexual orientation.
It's just too much to go through if you're not absolutely serious and positive, from my perspective. Combine the fact that transgender rights are even less prevalent than gay rights and you have a recipe for a life that people just would not choose lightly. Why go through any of that...unless it's something much more than a choice to you, unless the only choice involved is to stop hiding and lying to yourself and others and be who you really are?

It's really beating us over the head that it's not a choice. Just open up your ears and listen.

Liberty and Justice for All?

Back in '09 a kid in Arkansas refused to pledge allegiance to the flag because we are not free. Read more. Why can't we all sit down? The Pledge of Allegiance is a serious thing. I've seen people giggle and fool around during it before.
Think about what you're saying. What's a pledge? A serious promise that you don't break. And 'allegiance'? Allegiance means you stand together.
"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America".
I promise, and will never break this promise, that I will stand with the symbol of the United States of America.
"And to the republic for which it stands".
Self-explanatory.
And skipping to the end?
"With liberty and justice for all".
This is not true. We are not free. We are not treated justly.
What a day when the Pledge of Allegiance is announced and the silence brings down the house.
What a day when liberty and justice for all are once again granted and the people stand up to say it again.