The Italian Word for Kisses (and an epiphany about fiction plots)

by Matthew J. Metzger
From Amazon and Goodreads, because I didn't feel like trying to write a summary:
"It’s no secret Tav and Luca are going out. After the accident, it’s also no secret that new kid Jack Collins has a raging case of homophobia, and is not best pleased about having given the kiss of life to a gay guy. Either Luca quits swimming, or Jack is going to make him.
Tav favours the tried-and-true method of knocking Jack’s teeth down his neck, only he can’t really afford another school suspension. Luca favours just ignoring him, only ignoring a penknife being held to your throat at New Year’s Eve is downright stupid.
Thing is, Luca suspects Jack is a victim of something himself. And time is running out for Luca to get through to Jack, before Jack gets rid of him."
TW: Canon-typical racism and homophobia, in context of being acknowledged as bad things. Casual ableism, not addressed, including the r-slur. Implied/referenced sexual assault and pedophilia.

As always, I have gobs of praise for Metzger's writing. He's, impossibly, improved since Rhapsody on a Theme.
I never noticed how many tropes exist in published fiction (I say, because fanfiction frequently subverts them, more on that later) until The Italian Word for Kisses kept not going there.
Tav is jealous of Aaron kissing Luca for a play? That's supposed to get out of control and cause major fights, probably including a love triangle. But instead, they talk about it, acknowledge the irrationality, accept that the feeling exists, and move on.
Luca wants to keep what's going on a secret? He's supposed to build an ever-increasing complex web of lies to keep it, until the truth comes out in the end and a proportionally large blowout occurs. But instead, when pressed for details, he admits what's going on.
Even more, since the book begins with Tav and Luca happy together, their relationship ought to end up in serious jeopardy at some point, and spoiler alert, it doesn't.
This is not a book where the whole thing could have been solved early on if everyone had just sat down and talked. Tav and Luca disagreed on it, yes, but we got inside both their heads and saw where both of them were coming from. And where both of them were coming from are such intensely emotional places, it's no wonder they can't come to a decision they both like.
Writers are taught--certainly I was--to pack as much drama as is humanly possible into everything. And only now is it driven home to me that the price is predictability. The number of times something happened to make me go, "OK, the plot is going to be..." before I actually got a handle on what kind of story I was reading. Because normally, all I have to do to figure it out is to figure out how the first conflict that turns up can be made The Most Bad.
Back on fanfiction, I think this is one of the reasons I'm less thrilled about published fiction. Leaving out genre fiction for a bit--those are difficult to predict simply because of the universe they're in--published books have to be a certain length, and so they have a certain amount of plot that needs to happen, and an expectation to pump as much out of the possibilities as they can. One of the most popular genres in fanfiction is hurt/comfort, and when's the last time that was the actual plot of a book you read? That the hurt wasn't a plot device for something more sinister to be revealed in their interpersonal connection, that the comfort doesn't wait until after an internal debate on the part of the comforter? What about fluff?
When was the last time a book surprised me, I'm asking myself. As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner (surrealist)? Catch-22 by Joseph Heller (also surrealist)? No, probably either Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie (sci-fi) or The Fourth Bear by Jasper Fforde (humor/fantasy). Forgive Me, Leonard Peacock by Matthew Quick kept me on the edge of my seat, but did it actually surprise me? When was the last time a book surprised you?

TL;DR: Buy Metzger books. Support an asexual transgender writer and be prepared to have your socks knocked off. I'm buying everyone this book for the foreseeable future holidays.

Coming Out Day

So I barely noticed National Coming Out Day: Like every year, it passed pretty much without any actual coming out.
And then like three people on my news feed were all, "Hey, I forgot it was National Coming Out Day yesterday. Newsflash: I'm_________." Some I already knew, some were not a surprise, but I'm having feelings about it because I've never done it.
At some point, I built it into my lexicon for dealing with new people. I don't hide it. It comes up in conversation. It does this a lot of ways.
"My girlfriend--"
"Why did you_____?" "Well, I'm a lesbian, so---"
"Wait, are you--?" "Gay? Yes."
So everyone at college knows. My parents know. My close friends know. My grandparents on one side at least know.
But not most of my extended family, and not most of the people I knew through middle and high school--who make up the majority of my facebook friends. At least, I don't think they know. People have surprised me before.
"Congratulations on coming out!" "Thank you. How did you know?" "You know, the Internet."
Part of me feels like I should. Visibility is important. Visibility is a thing I advocate. And I feel like I'm talking the talk but not walking the walk to stay closeted.
And it's no longer a thing that would likely get me outright disowned or a large amount of nasty messages sent my way. I expect a couple "It's a sin, repent" messages, one or two, maybe, and my relatives talking around it for the next forever, but I can live with that.
So why am I still not doing it? Why am I still scared?
Partly, why should I tear down my shields and allow in the messages and the judgment when it's not negatively affecting my life not to be out to some people? The people that needed to know, the people it was hurting me to stay in the closet for, they know. Why should I expose myself that much more? Is it that likely that there's someone on my news feed that doesn't already have sufficient gay role models?
Sigh. I knew it wasn't my duty to come out as long as it would hurt me. Not sure what the right answer is now.
Atalanta says stop using 'should' statements. I'm not sure I know how to police myself without 'should' statements.
Hello, everyone. I'm a Kinsey 5, that's predominantly homosexual/romantic and only incidentally heterosexual/romantic. I'm sexually and romantically attracted to women almost exclusively, to their minds and their souls, not to their bodies. I usually identify as female but once in a blue moon experience brief dysphoria. I touch on the asexual spectrum extremely lightly, so that I almost always have to have heard someone talk, enough to get an idea of their personality, to be attracted to them, but mostly identify as allosexual (not asexual). My gender expression tends toward fellagirly with a large helping of genderfuck, which means I sit like a guy, grow my hair long and dye it, don't wear makeup or shave my legs, appreciate jeans and skirts, love suits, vests, and ties, and occasionally do makeup/police my body language/bind/dress/wear a wig specifically to make people question my pronouns.

LGBT in Puerto Rico

So I read through the articles, and the upshot is this:
Because Puerto Rico is a territory of the USA, the anti-sodomy laws and the hate crime laws apply. There are also non-federal laws signed into being last year, including probhibition of discrimination based on gender or sexual orientation (unclear whether this includes gender identity, I'm guessing not), and extension of the definition of domestic violence to include same-sex couples. However, there are no legal same-sex unions or recognitions of same-sex unions performed elsewhere, and no adoption of kids by same-sex partners.
Trans people are having a very hard time of it. At best, they are ridiculed, and at worst, being subjected to horrific hate crimes.
However, the arts scene is pushing back, hard. Two movies related to transgenderism have been produced within the last three years, and there are two film festivals dedicated to queer life.

Lawsuit over same-sex marriage
http://www.lgbtpuertorico.com/blog/
Wikipedia on being LGBT in Puerto Rico
Nice summary; Where does Puerto Rico stand on LGBT issues
Hate crime
Film Mala Mala

News and Politics

I know I've been absent for a couple months, but I've been racking up the news articles to send you. Warning: NYTimes.com only lets you view ten free articles a month, so think carefully before clicking the links. I can get around that by getting them sent to me in my inbox, but even I can't view my bookmarks.
 So, Biden's big announcement in favor of same-sex marriage. I'm sure you've heard about this. Drove the White House a little crazy, rushing to make sure everyone knew this was Biden's personal opinion and not the official stance, and forcing Obama to say something one way or the other. I feel for the big man--he got voters from both sides by walking the line, and this doesn't help his cause. Quite frankly, I'm worried about what will happen if Mitt Romney gets in office. It really feels like he sets his stance based on what he thinks the public wants to hear, and changes it accordingly. What is the problem with Obama? I hope this is the article that talks about this--I keep getting a message that says I've read my free articles for the month before I can even read enough to see if it's the one I want. Basically, Romney's telling us Obama lost the country jobs--well, in his first few months of taking office, before his policies could take effect. And now he's trying to get us to return to the same policies that got us into this mess. Who really believes two terms are enough to dig the country out of its hole? Who thinks that a man who won't take a stance of his own and says what he thinks you want to hear will make a good president?  (Apparently, a lot of people.) And Romney won't support same-sex marriage--he says so himself, although he also apparently has friends who are gay. Yes, ObamaCare may be in line with socialist ideals. But guess what? So is public education. It doesn't make him evil. We're so close to getting many of our rights, despite some waffling in the White House--Obama Won't Order Ban on Gay Bias by Employers--some of the original top supporters of DOMA are trying to get it revoked, and the public mind is changing all the time. Don't let the country take two steps back for every step forward. Pull out your common sense. Leave the states vs federal debate and the abortion debate for another day. Debate them in your own time, please do. Work to change people's minds for the things you really care about. But the whole country's going to suffer if you elect Mitt Romney. Re-elect Obama. Pass it on.

In other news:
Homophobic? Maybe You're Gay
All you have to do is watch Glee to know some of the most vehement anti-gays out there are in the closet and scared to death. A good reason to turn the other cheek and be kind to those who hate your guts.
Methodists Vote Against Homosexuality Rule Change
Basically, the Methodists have it written down that homosexuality is incompatible with their teachings, and they decided not to rewrite it.
Harming the Troops
Military Chaplains officially can't marry same-sex couples, even in states where it's legal. I think. Legalese confuses the heck out of me. I shall never be a politician.
Malawi President Wants to Repeal Nation's Antigay Laws
Malawi, a country in Africa, currently has laws prohibiting homosexual acts, but its president wants to repeal them if she can.
And:
Rutgers Webcam-Spying Defendant Sentenced to 30 Days
This is the kid who spied on his roommate having gay sex using a webcam, and posted about it on Twitter, leading to the young man's suicide.

Russia discriminates

Copied from an email from the Courage Campaign.

Aeroflot, Russia's largest airline, discriminates against its gay and lesbian employees as an official policy, according to published reports. Gay flight attendant Maxim Kupreev decided to organize an LGBT employee group to push for equal treatment of LGBT people by the airline. Aeroflot's answer? Marry a woman or you are fired.
Aeroflot is part of the SkyTeam alliance co-founded by Delta and Air France, both of which market heavily in the LGBT community. Ask Delta and Air France to suspend Aeroflot until the airline treats all their employees with respect.
I care about this issue because, since 1983, I've spent a number of years in the USSR and then Russia. Even after I came out in the early 1990s, I was careful about being too "public" in Russia. My sexuality was used against me in business, with some people mocking and attacking my reputation simply because I'm a gay man. So when I read that -- over twenty years later -- Aeroflot was still oppressing gay employees, I had to stand up.
Will you stand with me and Maxim Kupreev and tell Delta and Air France to suspend its alliance with Aeroflot until the company apologizes and sets standards for fair treatment of LGBT employees?
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton historically announced last month that LGBT rights are human rights. Still, major Russian companies refuse to allow their gay citizens to live as real people. Imagine if your employer forced you to marry someone you did not love. We have to stand up for human rights violations wherever they take place, including Russia.
Tell Delta and Air France to set a better example and demand that Aeroflot treat all of its employees with dignity and respect.

Cut it out, Apple

From allout.org:

Right now, Apple is participating in a controversial online platform called Christian Values Network (CVN), which allows users to donate part of their purchases to “charity” - including anti-gay hate groups like Family Research Council, who recently asked members to pray for homosexuality to stay a criminal offense in Malawi, and even Abiding Truth Ministries, a group that has been tied to the "Kill the Gays" bill in Uganda.

Apple may not mean to be funding hate groups. In fact they've publicly supported LGBT rights in the past. But now that they know what’s really going on at CVN, it’s time to pull out.

BBC America, Microsoft, Delta, and most recently Macy’s have cut ties with CVN under public pressure, but computer giant Apple is still participating. So we need to turn up the heat and demand action. Join me and tell Apple to stop using CVN and stop funding anti-gay hate groups:

www.allout.org/stop_funding_hate

I signed up. Come with me.

Homphobe: Fag.

Ever been in one of those situations where you know you want to say something, but by the time you know what, the moment has long passed? This time, I planned ahead. How to stand up for someone called a fag in your presence. Of course, this will only work if you're gay and ready to come out, but you can probably edit it a little yourself. So, my model script for you:
Homophobe: Fag.
Me: That's a despicable thing to call someone.
Homophobe: But it's true.
Me: He/she may or may not be gay. What does it matter? I'm gay, and that is highly offensive. You know what it means, 'faggot'? Bundle of sticks. So you're saying that a person, a living, breathing, thinking, feeling person is no more than a bundle of sticks. And you know why you say that? Because you're afraid. And you demean a person to the level of debris because a bundle of sticks is nothing to be afraid of. A bundle of sticks can't possibly make a rational decision. A bundle of sticks isn't worthy of human compassion. And a bundle of sticks certainly doesn't know love when it feels it.

FYI, whoever you're sticking up for might try to quiet you, saying "it's okay" or whatever. Remember: This isn't just about them. It's about saving everyone this homophobe may come into contact with from the insult that could be their last straw.

Yes, I'm in a heated fury. So be it.

Choices

Why anyone would think people choose to be GLBT is beyond me. And this is why.
Science indicates that genes and hormones both have to do with being gay. And it is definitively not classified as a mental illness.
Or, if you're the sort of person who doesn't trust science, here's some logic.
Why would I choose:
1. To risk my family ties and my friendships, and even be kicked out of my house
2. To make it more difficult to get/keep a job (it's still legal to fire me in most states)
3. To limit my dating options to less than 10% of the population
4. To be called names, teased, bullied, and even beaten and killed
5. To face such depression I commit suicide
6. To be persecuted by people who say they're of my own religion
7. To be stereotyped
8. To feel unable to talk about dating/crushes/love with friends, acquaintances or coworkers
9. To worry about moral issues, whether I'm unnatural or immoral or somehow not good enough
10. To face the incredibly painful pressure of coming out when anyone I love could turn against me, tell me to go away or get out, or start spreading the news around.

If people want to rebel, they do drugs, drink, smoke. Maybe, just maybe they hook up with someone of the same sex. But they certainly don't 'decide' to be gay.
If people just want more sex, they keep their options open! There are far more straight people to be found than gay people. And if you're going, well, what about those bisexual people? Then let me tell you bisexuals are often discriminated against by gay and straight alike. How's that for limiting?
And specifically for transgender people:
First, who's ever heard of being transgender? That's even harder to accidentally find information on than being gay. It's an awful lot of work to go to for a 'phase' or to punish someone.
Second, transgender people experience the feeling that they are actually in the wrong body (gender dysphoria). Not just dating the wrong people, but in the wrong body. How'd you like that?
Third, if a transgender person decides to dress as their gender identity, that can be quite obvious to complete strangers, much more so than someone's sexual orientation.
It's just too much to go through if you're not absolutely serious and positive, from my perspective. Combine the fact that transgender rights are even less prevalent than gay rights and you have a recipe for a life that people just would not choose lightly. Why go through any of that...unless it's something much more than a choice to you, unless the only choice involved is to stop hiding and lying to yourself and others and be who you really are?

It's really beating us over the head that it's not a choice. Just open up your ears and listen.

Homophobia.

Who's up for International Day Against Homophobia? (Monday, May 17th)
All you have to do is wear a plain black shirt to silently protest homophobia. If you can, you can write "Gay rights are human rights" on your arm or on a piece of clothing.
*definition* Homophobia: The fear of homosexual behavior and those who practice it, often manifested as hate.
And by behavior, I mean everything, including kissing, holding hands, and the simple act of loving. (I know, loving can be anything but simple. But falling in love can be easy.)
This might not be the best definition. But I think it's the closest. Remember that post about labels? I would wager that homophobia is mostly about fear of the unspoken 'rules' getting broken.
I think that transphobia takes a slightly different definition than homophobia, but for simplification, assume that trans-phobia is included in, but not the same as, homophobia.
Transphobia: The fear of behavior and dress as though one were the opposite sex (especially in M2F trans people), often manifested as hate.
Homophobia is a horrible thing. It makes people fear themselves, their friends, and their family in the name of 'what's right'.
It is not a disease to be GLBTQ. Be proud.