Coming Out

Wow. What a scary thought.
If we don't--we pay the price of hiding, always hiding.
If we do--we run the risks. Of being found out. Of being alienated: by 'friends forever'. By family. By everyone at school (or church, or 4-H, or any other club). By the one you were hoping would say, "Me, too!" and live happily ever after with.
The toll that would take is almost too much to risk. Almost.
There are precautions, of course. You don't have to suddenly go to school wearing a shirt that says "Yeah, I'm Gay" on it. One at a time is okay. And you can gauge their responses.
I'm saving for later the people who slip. Comments on two boys hugging? A confused/disgusted face at a Facebook 'marriage'?
Not today I won't.
But there's my best friend, who just might be able to accept me. Which would be worse: to be alienated by all the people you see all the time, or by one of the very people whose opinions actually matter?
Not to scare you. There are plenty of people who will accept you with open arms if you tell them.
Just that there are people who won't. And sometimes it really matters, like parents. No matter how wonderful they are, have a place in mind to go if worst comes to worst.
My parents are pretty okay with me, so my best friend is the next step. It doesn't have to be that way for you. Friends first, then parents is okay. But today, I told my friend the truth.
I had everything to lose. The one person I can really talk to. I figured if I could trust anyone, I could trust her. But by the same token, if I couldn't trust her, who could I trust?
It's the season of celebration. I gave her the gift of my life: My trust, and the truth.
It took courage to do that. Especially when I have doubts myself. What if I made a huge mistake? I'm pretty sure I didn't. But I've never been kissed. I've never been on a date. How can I be sure?
My mom sort of figured it out. In fact, after I told her about my wedding dreams (with two brides) at the age of thirteen, she gave me the book that made me go, huh. Gay.
I mean, I knew what it meant. I'd just never applied it to myself.
My dad got the "I think there's a very good chance that I'm a lesbian".
To her, I said it out loud. For the first time to someone else, I literally said, "I'm gay."
It felt right.
She did what I'd hoped: She asked questions. She wanted to know how I knew.
I said, "Well, I keep falling in love with girls. That was kind of a giveaway."
I also mentioned out loud the two and a half year infatuation with the same girl. It occurred to me, that doesn't just happen. She never egged me on, at least not intentionally, and I've still been in love with her that long.
She told me that it would be really strange for her to have a problem with it. In fact, I half expected her to already know. It will be wonderful if things can be normal again. I really hope I haven't screwed up our relationship at all. I'll cross my fingers: for her, and for all of you.