Tomboys, mothers, and finger lengths

Another thing I keep finding is that whenever there's anything related to being lesbian, it doesn't apply. I'm not a tomboy. I don't act boyish or anything. I don't wear makeup, but I think I'm beautiful. I'm a black belt in taekwondo, but I never liked sports when I was little and I still hate to sweat. Bit counter-intuitive, I know. I don't fuss a lot over my clothes, unless there's a girl to impress. I played with dolls when I was little (admittedly unlike anyone else I know, but I think that has more to do with being a writer than a lesbian), and house, and painted my room pink. Although my hair's fairly short, and has been for quite a bit of my life, I quite frankly love long hair, except for the upkeep, on anyone. I love playing with it and having mine played with and I think it's beautiful. But not just the obvious, half-stereotypical things. Apparently there was a study done where women's and men's fingers were measured. Straight women tend to have ring fingers and middle fingers the same length, while men and lesbians tend to have noticeable differences. Not me. Nor do I have a distant mother. I tend to think my mother and I have an excellent relationship, actually. We treat each other like equals, which is more than I can say for some mother-daughter relationships. Does that make me any less lesbian? Was I some kind of social convert? Of course not. As I've said before, I had crushes on boys when I was little, but when I started finding girls I loved, I a) knew the romance when I felt it, instead of burying it under friendship and b) never connected the label to myself. I knew I wanted to marry Audacia, and then Allegra, without thinking about it in terms of sex, either. And now I'm kind of annoyed at society for daring to make me feel anything close to undeserving of my own sexuality. You are the only one who has the right to name yourself--or not!--, regardless of your play preferences, your family dynamic, or the length of your fingers.

Mind-opening

In my English class, each of us has to choose a social issue and write all his or her papers that semester on that topic. (You may notice my language is more correct than usual. That's English class rubbing off on me.) As you may imagine, I chose gay rights. The more I do my research, the more I am appalled and frightened by the opinions some people have, and enlightened about others. The biologist, the computer programmer, and the lesbian desperate for civil rights within me want sexuality to be a fixed, born-this-way, unchangeable kind of deal. But to be fair, the more I read personal statements and about my opponents' opinions, I'm starting to wonder about that. I'm reading more and more about people who seem to have successfully chosen to be straight again, perhaps after confronting some deep dark past. I'm reading about studies that show changes in sexuality over a lifetime. I'm reading that 'many' homosexuals seem to display the psychological circumstances I dismissed, detachment from the same-sex parent, and huge numbers of gay men who were, as children, molested by men. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm taking all of this with a grain of salt. But now I think that sexuality is probably far more fluid than my black-and-white philosophy had room for. It's entirely possible that some people can choose their sexuality, or change it. It's possible that sexuality can change and evolve on its own, even after adulthood, and that environment does play some part in it. Don't take this as somehow an admission of guilt, though. I firmly believe that most people would suffer more harm than good to try to change their sexual orientation, and that forcing it is likely a bad thing. I do not believe there is anything wrong with being gay. But if your sexuality starts to change, I think it's important to be open to it, to be willing to go with it, whichever direction it runs in. Sexuality is most likely this giant interaction between genes, hormones, environment, and maybe a few other things as well. After all, people weren't considered homosexuals forever. It was many years before people who liked the same gender stopped having anything to do with the opposite gender too. My thesis changed from somewhere in the vicinity of 'sexual minorities should have legal minority rights' to 'all hail freedom of sexuality' and maintaining that anyone should be able to be with anyone and not be discriminated against for it. I'll post my paper on here if my teacher lets me.