Coming Out

Wow. What a scary thought.
If we don't--we pay the price of hiding, always hiding.
If we do--we run the risks. Of being found out. Of being alienated: by 'friends forever'. By family. By everyone at school (or church, or 4-H, or any other club). By the one you were hoping would say, "Me, too!" and live happily ever after with.
The toll that would take is almost too much to risk. Almost.
There are precautions, of course. You don't have to suddenly go to school wearing a shirt that says "Yeah, I'm Gay" on it. One at a time is okay. And you can gauge their responses.
I'm saving for later the people who slip. Comments on two boys hugging? A confused/disgusted face at a Facebook 'marriage'?
Not today I won't.
But there's my best friend, who just might be able to accept me. Which would be worse: to be alienated by all the people you see all the time, or by one of the very people whose opinions actually matter?
Not to scare you. There are plenty of people who will accept you with open arms if you tell them.
Just that there are people who won't. And sometimes it really matters, like parents. No matter how wonderful they are, have a place in mind to go if worst comes to worst.
My parents are pretty okay with me, so my best friend is the next step. It doesn't have to be that way for you. Friends first, then parents is okay. But today, I told my friend the truth.
I had everything to lose. The one person I can really talk to. I figured if I could trust anyone, I could trust her. But by the same token, if I couldn't trust her, who could I trust?
It's the season of celebration. I gave her the gift of my life: My trust, and the truth.
It took courage to do that. Especially when I have doubts myself. What if I made a huge mistake? I'm pretty sure I didn't. But I've never been kissed. I've never been on a date. How can I be sure?
My mom sort of figured it out. In fact, after I told her about my wedding dreams (with two brides) at the age of thirteen, she gave me the book that made me go, huh. Gay.
I mean, I knew what it meant. I'd just never applied it to myself.
My dad got the "I think there's a very good chance that I'm a lesbian".
To her, I said it out loud. For the first time to someone else, I literally said, "I'm gay."
It felt right.
She did what I'd hoped: She asked questions. She wanted to know how I knew.
I said, "Well, I keep falling in love with girls. That was kind of a giveaway."
I also mentioned out loud the two and a half year infatuation with the same girl. It occurred to me, that doesn't just happen. She never egged me on, at least not intentionally, and I've still been in love with her that long.
She told me that it would be really strange for her to have a problem with it. In fact, I half expected her to already know. It will be wonderful if things can be normal again. I really hope I haven't screwed up our relationship at all. I'll cross my fingers: for her, and for all of you.

Finally.

It passed the House--for the second or third time.
It passed the Senate--for the first time.
Now we're still waiting for Obama to act on the repeal of DADT.
I got four emails on Saturday with the news.
Unfortunately, as the Post said, repealing DADT was a solid, less controversial issue (as ENDA really should be--but I'm not seeing a whole lot of action going on there) . Marriage is going to take a lot more oomph to pass.
Harvey Milk once said, "Come out, come out, wherever you are." meaning come out of the closet, of course, in hopes that those who formerly were against gay rights, finding that they know someone who's GLBTQ, will change their minds and support their friends and family. This is insanely difficult, I know. But it could help.
On the right and below are some pictures of the Harvey Milk Civil Rights Academy in San Francisco.

Homphobe: Fag.

Ever been in one of those situations where you know you want to say something, but by the time you know what, the moment has long passed? This time, I planned ahead. How to stand up for someone called a fag in your presence. Of course, this will only work if you're gay and ready to come out, but you can probably edit it a little yourself. So, my model script for you:
Homophobe: Fag.
Me: That's a despicable thing to call someone.
Homophobe: But it's true.
Me: He/she may or may not be gay. What does it matter? I'm gay, and that is highly offensive. You know what it means, 'faggot'? Bundle of sticks. So you're saying that a person, a living, breathing, thinking, feeling person is no more than a bundle of sticks. And you know why you say that? Because you're afraid. And you demean a person to the level of debris because a bundle of sticks is nothing to be afraid of. A bundle of sticks can't possibly make a rational decision. A bundle of sticks isn't worthy of human compassion. And a bundle of sticks certainly doesn't know love when it feels it.

FYI, whoever you're sticking up for might try to quiet you, saying "it's okay" or whatever. Remember: This isn't just about them. It's about saving everyone this homophobe may come into contact with from the insult that could be their last straw.

Yes, I'm in a heated fury. So be it.

Choices

Why anyone would think people choose to be GLBT is beyond me. And this is why.
Science indicates that genes and hormones both have to do with being gay. And it is definitively not classified as a mental illness.
Or, if you're the sort of person who doesn't trust science, here's some logic.
Why would I choose:
1. To risk my family ties and my friendships, and even be kicked out of my house
2. To make it more difficult to get/keep a job (it's still legal to fire me in most states)
3. To limit my dating options to less than 10% of the population
4. To be called names, teased, bullied, and even beaten and killed
5. To face such depression I commit suicide
6. To be persecuted by people who say they're of my own religion
7. To be stereotyped
8. To feel unable to talk about dating/crushes/love with friends, acquaintances or coworkers
9. To worry about moral issues, whether I'm unnatural or immoral or somehow not good enough
10. To face the incredibly painful pressure of coming out when anyone I love could turn against me, tell me to go away or get out, or start spreading the news around.

If people want to rebel, they do drugs, drink, smoke. Maybe, just maybe they hook up with someone of the same sex. But they certainly don't 'decide' to be gay.
If people just want more sex, they keep their options open! There are far more straight people to be found than gay people. And if you're going, well, what about those bisexual people? Then let me tell you bisexuals are often discriminated against by gay and straight alike. How's that for limiting?
And specifically for transgender people:
First, who's ever heard of being transgender? That's even harder to accidentally find information on than being gay. It's an awful lot of work to go to for a 'phase' or to punish someone.
Second, transgender people experience the feeling that they are actually in the wrong body (gender dysphoria). Not just dating the wrong people, but in the wrong body. How'd you like that?
Third, if a transgender person decides to dress as their gender identity, that can be quite obvious to complete strangers, much more so than someone's sexual orientation.
It's just too much to go through if you're not absolutely serious and positive, from my perspective. Combine the fact that transgender rights are even less prevalent than gay rights and you have a recipe for a life that people just would not choose lightly. Why go through any of that...unless it's something much more than a choice to you, unless the only choice involved is to stop hiding and lying to yourself and others and be who you really are?

It's really beating us over the head that it's not a choice. Just open up your ears and listen.

Special treatment? Come on.

I know that some people are of the opinion that gay people can do whatever they want in their own homes and shouldn't try to get 'special treatment'.
But taking a real look at the issues shows that special treatment is the last thing on the list.
We'll step away from the hot topic of same-sex marriage for a moment and look at plain old rights.
For one thing, did you know it's legal in most states to be fired from a job just for being gay? How is that fair? It doesn't matter to you if I'm a woman, if I'm an ethnic minority or a religious minority, but who I date comes into play? What does that have to do with how well I perform a job?
Don't Ask Don't Tell is related here. Top specialists are fired all the time from the military for being gay.
Finally, the paper reports to me that GLBTQ teens are punished more severely in schools.
Can anyone really believe that sexual orientation has anything to do with our education and job?
Stand with me and stop this.

Joel Burns