Tomboys, mothers, and finger lengths

Another thing I keep finding is that whenever there's anything related to being lesbian, it doesn't apply. I'm not a tomboy. I don't act boyish or anything. I don't wear makeup, but I think I'm beautiful. I'm a black belt in taekwondo, but I never liked sports when I was little and I still hate to sweat. Bit counter-intuitive, I know. I don't fuss a lot over my clothes, unless there's a girl to impress. I played with dolls when I was little (admittedly unlike anyone else I know, but I think that has more to do with being a writer than a lesbian), and house, and painted my room pink. Although my hair's fairly short, and has been for quite a bit of my life, I quite frankly love long hair, except for the upkeep, on anyone. I love playing with it and having mine played with and I think it's beautiful. But not just the obvious, half-stereotypical things. Apparently there was a study done where women's and men's fingers were measured. Straight women tend to have ring fingers and middle fingers the same length, while men and lesbians tend to have noticeable differences. Not me. Nor do I have a distant mother. I tend to think my mother and I have an excellent relationship, actually. We treat each other like equals, which is more than I can say for some mother-daughter relationships. Does that make me any less lesbian? Was I some kind of social convert? Of course not. As I've said before, I had crushes on boys when I was little, but when I started finding girls I loved, I a) knew the romance when I felt it, instead of burying it under friendship and b) never connected the label to myself. I knew I wanted to marry Audacia, and then Allegra, without thinking about it in terms of sex, either. And now I'm kind of annoyed at society for daring to make me feel anything close to undeserving of my own sexuality. You are the only one who has the right to name yourself--or not!--, regardless of your play preferences, your family dynamic, or the length of your fingers.

Mind-opening

In my English class, each of us has to choose a social issue and write all his or her papers that semester on that topic. (You may notice my language is more correct than usual. That's English class rubbing off on me.) As you may imagine, I chose gay rights. The more I do my research, the more I am appalled and frightened by the opinions some people have, and enlightened about others. The biologist, the computer programmer, and the lesbian desperate for civil rights within me want sexuality to be a fixed, born-this-way, unchangeable kind of deal. But to be fair, the more I read personal statements and about my opponents' opinions, I'm starting to wonder about that. I'm reading more and more about people who seem to have successfully chosen to be straight again, perhaps after confronting some deep dark past. I'm reading about studies that show changes in sexuality over a lifetime. I'm reading that 'many' homosexuals seem to display the psychological circumstances I dismissed, detachment from the same-sex parent, and huge numbers of gay men who were, as children, molested by men. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm taking all of this with a grain of salt. But now I think that sexuality is probably far more fluid than my black-and-white philosophy had room for. It's entirely possible that some people can choose their sexuality, or change it. It's possible that sexuality can change and evolve on its own, even after adulthood, and that environment does play some part in it. Don't take this as somehow an admission of guilt, though. I firmly believe that most people would suffer more harm than good to try to change their sexual orientation, and that forcing it is likely a bad thing. I do not believe there is anything wrong with being gay. But if your sexuality starts to change, I think it's important to be open to it, to be willing to go with it, whichever direction it runs in. Sexuality is most likely this giant interaction between genes, hormones, environment, and maybe a few other things as well. After all, people weren't considered homosexuals forever. It was many years before people who liked the same gender stopped having anything to do with the opposite gender too. My thesis changed from somewhere in the vicinity of 'sexual minorities should have legal minority rights' to 'all hail freedom of sexuality' and maintaining that anyone should be able to be with anyone and not be discriminated against for it. I'll post my paper on here if my teacher lets me.

End marriage discrimination

Watch original here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=_TBd-UCwVAY

Russia's turn

The following taken from allout.org:

Dear friend,

I just added my voice to this urgent appeal, standing for human rights in Russia and all over the world. Medvedev and Putin's party is pushing a law to vote this week that would make any mention of lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender issues illegal.

The bill, being introduced as early as this Wednesday, would criminalize any book, article or speech about sexual identity and gender orientation, labeling it "homosexual propaganda". This is outrageous, and now is the time for key world leaders to speak up, we need every voice.

Will you take a minute to add yours?

allout.org/russia_silenced

DADT dust

I don't pretend to understand politics. Why is it, for example, that I get the distinct impression that people I know are Republican because they are against abortion instead of because they care whether the federal government or the states put down the laws?
Or how can it be that the repeal of DADT passed the House and Senate and was signed by the President months ago and is only now going into effect?
*sigh* Oh, well. I'll probably never be a lawyer. At any rate, we can celebrate because DADT is now completely and totally in the dustbin as of today. Hooray!
Here's an article about those people who think the repeal is a bad thing. It's not exactly objective, but it puts voice to those feelings of "What? But that's obviously ridiculous!" that are so bad at making points.
Now I could join the military if I wanted, because I would have no intentions of going into a field where I had to hide. Please. Did enough of that in high school, right? I probably never will. Military isn't my style. But to all those whose calling is overseas--the world is your oyster.

Thinking Straight

Well, I WAS going to go to bed on time last night. I WAS only going to read for half an hour or so. Then my mother comes up the stairs, I look at the clock...quarter to one. Oops.
I was reading Thinking Straight, by Robin Reardon. I have to say, this is one of my favorite books. When Taylor comes out to his family, they ship him off to an institute called Straight to God, which will, they hope, make him realize that he is sinning and turn back to God and being straight. (The things some people come up with.) Taylor is young, intelligent, passionate, and convinced beyond a doubt that there is nothing sinful about his love for his boyfriend. Not that he's given up on religion. He simply reconciles the two. He's also arrogant. He walks into Straight to God determined to survive, but not change. But Taylor has so much to learn, about God, those around him, and himself.
I think anyone could enjoy this book, Christian or not, gay or not. If you happen to be both, you should definitely read it. But why is it my favorite book? I read a review somewhere which said the climax was a tad unbelievable. It was, just a tad. But in no way does that dampen the sheer reality of it. The emotion. Taylor is so real to me, because he is me. Intelligent, passionate, gay and proud, and arrogant.
Sometimes I think that in this day and age it is better to think too highly of yourself than too lowly. Yes, you Christians: it is possible to be too humble. Or is it yet another form of pride? These are the people who believe they are not good enough, for God or for society. These are the people who drastically change themselves to be their idea of prettier, cooler, or more righteous. These are the people who go to bed feeling like dirt because of the way they were treated that day. To escape this state, I am proud. I imagine myself better than those around me. It strikes me as very how Kurt from Glee once put it: "The only way I get through the day is with the certainty that we are superior to all of them." It isn't an exact quote because I can't find it (don't own the discs, internet is being unhelpful). If I have to be high on life first to get back to a normal level, that's what I'll do.
Off my soapbox now. Read this book. For the spiritualism? Yes. For the completely real and believable main character? Yes. For the sweet yet smokin' boyfriends? Yes.

Cut it out, Apple

From allout.org:

Right now, Apple is participating in a controversial online platform called Christian Values Network (CVN), which allows users to donate part of their purchases to “charity” - including anti-gay hate groups like Family Research Council, who recently asked members to pray for homosexuality to stay a criminal offense in Malawi, and even Abiding Truth Ministries, a group that has been tied to the "Kill the Gays" bill in Uganda.

Apple may not mean to be funding hate groups. In fact they've publicly supported LGBT rights in the past. But now that they know what’s really going on at CVN, it’s time to pull out.

BBC America, Microsoft, Delta, and most recently Macy’s have cut ties with CVN under public pressure, but computer giant Apple is still participating. So we need to turn up the heat and demand action. Join me and tell Apple to stop using CVN and stop funding anti-gay hate groups:

www.allout.org/stop_funding_hate

I signed up. Come with me.

Pride and Prom

I've got to say, this is adorable. Cute Nebraska couple wins a wedding package! And, of course, given the nature of this blog, they're both men. :)
It's been a big semester for me. I went to the DC Pride Parade a few weeks ago. What an amazing feeling. It put me in mind of that Glee song, because after all the people who hate on me, or my people, anyway, these people were literally, so I'm told, screaming our name. I couldn't hear them, but the adviser for our LGBT club could! They were cheering, slapping our hands, screaming for beads, which we ran out of long before we got to the end of the walk. And we each had three dozen. We had giant rainbow flags, which were fun to twirl, but heavy. Twice I shouted, "Do you love me?" to the crowd, and got cheers back!
Not one week later, I went to a GSA prom with a few (straight-ish) friends, hosted by their church. They are Unitarian Universalists. I asked one of them to define Unitarian Universalism.

"To understand Unitarian Universalists (UUs), it is necessary to understand the difference between a creed and a covenant. With most churches, there is a creed, a sacred doctrine that one must believe in order to consider oneself as part of that church. In Christianity, there is the bible, in Islam, the Koran. In creedal churches, one can strive to understand ones creed more thoroughly, but the same basic belief is always there. In UUism, there is no creed. Instead, the members of a UU congregation make an agreement, or covenant, with each other, based off of the seven UU principles. These principles are:

· The inherent worth and dignity of every person

· Justice, equity, and compassion in human relations

· Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations

· A free and responsible search for truth and meaning

· The right of conscience and use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large

· The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all

· Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part

Under those principles, each member of a congregation is free to worship whoever/whatever they believe in and search for what they find truly meaningful and divine to themselves. Many UUs believe in a god. Many do not. Others believe in multiple gods, spirits, divine energy, or the love of the universe. What is important in a UU congregation is acceptance and support to one another in ones search for ones own spirituality. When people come together in love and trust and a willingness to learn and be surprised by faith and joy, then one has a UU congregation."

It was from these people that I felt acceptance. It was here I could be flamboyant and flirtatious, around complete strangers, without fear. I went to prom in dress pants, a silk shirt, and a top hat, and, perhaps given my short hair, felt far more natural, debonair, and just plain good-looking than I ever do in a dress.
My church is Christian, and the root of our belief is love. So it's supposed to be. As I study history, I find myself wondering whether the Christian church doesn't need another Reformation. Where is the love I am promised? Why do I find it at my friends' church instead of my own? Why do I break down crying, for I can see that their church loves them, unconditionally, and me? They don't care that I am not one of them, much less that I am gay, and accept me completely.

Know Your Rights

My mother was shocked today to hear that workplace discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and/or gender identity is not illegal.
In fact, there are a lot of states that don't have laws against it. We looked up a couple of states and their laws. HCR.org allows you to select your state and see whether it recognizes same-sex marriage, has anti-discrimination laws and/or anti-hate laws, whether it has protection in schools, etc. Try it.
So we moved to the worldview. The International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans, and Intersex Organization posts one of these every year. Explore the worldview on subjects such as whether one can change one's gender on one's birth certificate, whether hate crime based on sexual orientation is considered an aggravating circumstance, and whether adoption by couples is legal.
This is ridiculous. There is no good argument for not having legal rights.

My story

I'm a fan of this page on Facebook called Love is Love. The more I read the posts on this page, the more I am educated. And the more I think even we, the people who have the most reason to be against prejudice, still have it. We want everyone, or at least everyone within a group, to be like us.
If I'm understanding the book I'm reading rightly, this isn't our fault. In literature, it's called postmodernism. The evil of our time is prejudice, but it's very difficult to be free of it in all forms. I have only met one person who I felt was completely free of it, and she happens to be the girl I'm in love with.
Many GLBT people complain about how everyone tells them it's a choice. But others have more interesting stories to tell. One believes he did choose to be straight. Another tells how he grew up feeling straight, and over the next several years simply started losing interest in the opposite sex.
Even in our community, people are different. So I thought I'd offer my view.
One person says that the majority of people are bisexual to one degree or another. I'd agree with this in terms of myself. I'm not going to say I've never looked at a guy and wanted to kiss him. I have. It's just never been to the forget-how-to-breathe intensity I've gotten with more than one girl, none of whom have ever been interested in me. I've never wanted a guy to anywhere near the extent I've wanted a girl. That's not to say I'd be completely repulsed by kissing a boy, or further. It's not to say that it's completely impossible that some day I'd find the 'right guy'. It's just really very unlikely. Not living in a community where no one would bat an eye no matter who I dated, or make assumptions about who I wanted to date, saying, "I'm gay" is the clearest way to explain to my friends that the likelihood of finding a man who was all that to me is so low that I'm not looking for it. If it finds me, great. But there are girls who I like now, girls who I could be happy with, girls who take my breath away. So that's where I'm looking. That's where I probably always will look. 'Cause I sit next to a sleeping girl in the car, and spend what feels like hours just concentrating on keeping my hands off her. I spend time with my first love, and find myself experiencing something similar to a two-hour adrenaline rush. I look at the girl of my dreams, and I want nothing more than to take her face in my hands and kiss her. But with a guy? Even the ones I crushed on didn't turn me on like that.
I'll call my first love Audacia. Because she is audacious. She is my wild child. When I was ten years old, I fell in love with her. I asked her to marry me, without blinking an eye. She loved me so much, as a friend, that she said yes, and we went through with it. I touch her and I feel an extension of my soul in her. We are the same person, two halves of one whole. I still see her, and I still want her, and part of me still loves her and always will.
Then I fell in love with the girl I'll call Allegra. Not the medication, the happy one, from allegre, from Maggie Grace's character in The Jane Austin Book Club. I came out to her yesterday, and she told me that although she's straight, she doesn't plan to stop hanging out with me. I fell in love with her three years ago, the nineteenth of April, at my birthday party. I've been spending the better part of that time going through a cycle something like this: try to get over her, almost get there, get so close, see her again, and fall right back to square one. I was raised to think for myself, and I try to. I question everything. Yes, my sexual orientation. Also my faith. My sanity. Whether it wouldn't be better if we just let humans kill each other off so that the world could reassert itself. I can think of nothing (except the realms of the absurd, such as penguins ruling the world) that I haven't questioned. But most of all my faith. Occasionally it falls out from under me, like losing the floor beneath my feet. And when that happens, I take a deep breath, and start over, beginning with my Allegra. Her I am sure of. She may not be everything to me, but she's right up there with food. I don't need her to be my girlfriend. I just need her to exist. There's one memory I have, and maybe I was just a fanciful kid, but this is how it seemed to me. I was lying on my bed, and I felt my love for her drain out of me. And I prayed, I prayed to have it back. I liked loving her. I wanted to be in love with her. And it came back. That's what I mean when I say maybe I did choose it. I chose her. But there was Audacia before that, all of this before I applied 'gay' to myself.
You know how that happened? The same year I fell in love with Allegra, I went to a friend's wedding. I came back and told my mother about how I was planning my wedding now. She said, "Who's the groom?"
"No groom," I replied uneasily. Something in me knew this was unusual. "Just [Allegra]."
She bought me a book a few days later. GLBTQ: The Survival Guide for Queer and Questioning Teens. I thought, Gay? Is that what I am? Huh.
It was never about being gay. It was about loving girls. It was my mother, society, who put the label on. Not that I blame her. Perhaps if I lived in a different community I'd cast it off and say, I date who I date, whoever may come along. Unfortunately, I'm part of a community where the possibility of dating the same gender, or a genderless person, doesn't even occur to anyone. Since I'm not dating anyone, allowing them to assume I'm straight, as I know they do, only makes me feel more isolated, because I believe they love me for who they think I am, not who I really am. So I take it. The label is for society. It files me away into a neat little pigeonhole, just like we've been doing for years. Slaves and free, black, white, Asian, Hispanic. Men and women. Gay and straight. And there is so much more between. People of mixed race, for so many generations that they can't claim one nationality. People without a fixed gender. And such fluid sexuality. People are people. Everything else has holes in it somewhere.

It Gets Better, In the Aftermath

Lately, what's been on in the car is the album For Your Entertainment by Adam Lambert. My favorite song on the album? Aftermath.
As soon as I read the lyrics to this song, I said to myself, "This is about coming out." It never says that explicitly, but if you're LGBTQ, you get it.
According to Wikipedia, Adam co-wrote the song (with whom it doesn't say). This makes sense. Adam is gay. If you were watching Glee tonight, you might have caught a glimpse of him in the latest It Gets Better video. Which is also an ad for Google Chrome. :) I chose to ignore that part.
Watching the video, you can see the titles of the various YouTube videos of the It Gets Better project. I am constantly amazed at the number of people who have put these videos up. Lady Gaga. President Obama. The people who work at Google and Facebook. And Adam. I must say I don't like his phrasing when he says "who I choose to sleep with". Of course, it's true. Who you sleep with is a choice. It just misleads what feels like most of the world into thinking that wanting it is a choice, that falling in love is a choice.
But back to Aftermath. Every word in it is about feeling overwhelmed, about feeling like the rest of the world sees only a mask, about moving forward, and mostly, not being alone. As far as I'm concerned, the very best cut is the version that you buy, but a not-half-bad YouTube of it is here. Or, if you prefer, a remix that won an O award.
"Don't be afraid of what's inside/ Wanna tell ya, you'll be all right/In the aftermath."
There are so many people out there just waiting to welcome you to the wonderful world of being LGBTQ. Just do a YouTube search on It Gets Better.

Born This Way

So, I'm going to be a fangirl or possibly just a flaming proud lezzie for a minute and tell you about Glee Tuesday night. It was called Born This Way and about loving yourself. They brought Kurt home to his old school (they just couldn't resist giving him more amazing outfits, I'm sure. At the other school, he had a uniform). Meanwhile, the closet lesbian, Santana, hooks up with the other gay guy, Dave, to pretend neither of them are. Kurt's prerequisite for coming home was that Dave would start a PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) group at school with him.
Everyone is told to make a shirt with a word or a phrase on it that sums up the part of them that they're most ashamed of, the thing that makes them different, and they'll sing/dance the title number by Lady Gaga. I've never listened to the original of this song before, only a different cover of it that has half the words removed. While most of the kids have shirts that say things like "Can't Sing" or "Brown Eyes" on them, the class idiot, Brittany, who's the only one who knows about Santana, gives her a shirt that says, "Lebanese". Santana says, "I'm Hispanic. Wait. Is this meant to say, 'Lesbian'?" Brittany replies, "Yeah. Isn't that what it says?" The funny thing about this is that Lebanese is mentioned in the song itself.
Kurt struts it on stage, singing the opening words in a shirt that says "Likes Boys" (I'd take a "Likes Girls"), the only shirt that's completely unashamed. Santana sits out, wearing her shirt
where no one can see her. The Trevor Project asked its Facebook fans whether they would buy or wear Kurt's shirt--I and 1,707 people 'liked' it.
And the song! It's amazing! I bought it and put it on single repeat. I'm up to a play count of 27 already. It's bouncy and it has a great message.
"A different lover is not a sin"
"No matter gay, straight, or bi/Lesbian, transgender life/I'm on the right
track, baby, I was born to survive"
"I'm beautiful in my way, 'cause God makes no mistakes"
"There's nothing wrong with loving who you are, she said, 'cause He made you
perfectly" (not in order)
A church near me holds a LGBT prom, which they've invited me to. If they play this song, I am so dancing on stage. I'm saying this out loud (well, you know what I mean) so that I can't chicken out.
Hey, look! Someone managed to post that scene. Watch! I'll admit Kurt looks a bit insane, and they cut my second quote above (it's in the version on iTunes, though) AND it's backwards and blurry, but it's worth it!

Related: I met a new friend on Facebook (become a fan) and started stalking her profile. Everything I read made me like her more. Now, her profile picture was Kurt and his boyfriend Blaine kissing.
Further down, I saw an event she attended that was about posting a same-sex kiss picture as your profile picture to protest one being marked as inappropriate content. I started looking at the pictures. My favorite? A picture that says at the top, "Jesus Loves You", and at the
bottom, pasted in, a picture of two guys kissing.
I cried. The next morning my glasses still had spots. It was captioned, "If you are a believer, I am not, but I leave this Christian image of a kiss and love." This has always been an issue for me, as I have always believed that I was, indeed, born this way.

Marriage

A recent poll says that just over half the population now supports gay marriage.
Make one more today. Support a person's right to the pursuit of happiness, living in a recognized life partnership with the person they love. Support our legal rights as committed partners, such as hospital visitation and federal benefits. And support our right to NOT be treated 'special', to dream of a wedding just like yours.
My church tells me that I can be gay, but not act on it. Why? Because it's the same as sex before marriage.
So give us marriage and a choice other than life celibacy or going against our church.

Ed and Derence

Watch here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=H8nTy0e8mj4

I still read comments in the newspaper online saying things like "For people who say they just want to be accepted, they sure do expect a lot of attention just 'cause they're gay".
Well, yeah. That's not for us, that's for everybody else.
When you look at someone, you can almost always tell whether they're an ethnic minority or a woman.
So, you're young and black, or Asian, or of any other ethnicity, discriminated against in your community. Who are your role models going to be? Successful, hardworking people of that ethnicity. Obama, Oprah, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., or many others.
Or, you're young and female, and told that women aren't as good as men. Now who do you look up to? Hillary Clinton? Oprah fits here, too. Or maybe you remember some early feminists from long ago.
Now, what if you're young and gay? Bisexual? Transgender?
If we all keep quiet about our sexuality, because it's so not a big deal, who are the kids for whom is is a big deal going to look up to? If the politicians, the performers, the writers, those in the spotlight, keep quiet, what does that say to the kid in a small town where everybody knows everybody and gay is a dirty word?
It says you have to hide. It says there's nobody else like you.
Oprah never had to say, "Guess what? I'm a woman." Everybody knows that. All you have to do is look at her, or read about her, to know that.
Being gay isn't like that. It doesn't always show on the surface.
That's why we make a fuss.

More on coming out...