I Am J

by Cris Beam

J hides his feminine body under two bras and four shirts. He hides from being photographed by being the one behind the camera. He hides from the slew of dyke and suspicion by keeping to himself, only interacting with his parents and his best friend, Melissa. Then an ill-fated kiss and some poorly chosen words catapult him on a whirlwind adventure to drop all that, stop hiding, and become who he really is. A fascinating painter named Blue, a friendly hotel worker, a poet with boy troubles, and a successful trans activist all help to guide J into a deeper understanding of not only himself, but Melissa and his parents as well. Triggers for self-harm.

J's experiences are varied, and the plot believable. Some of the devices were a little less so--are there really queer youth shelters that come with fully functional, queer-only schools? And where I come from, college applications need to be done by the end of winter break, and J was talking about it getting warm outside (in, presumably, Pennsylvania). But the actual motivations were clear and well-supported, which I consider to be much more important. The characters had surprising depth. J's father is Jewish and his mother Puerto Rican Catholic, and on the surface, her reaction seems strangely accepting, but when you really take a look at their actions as a whole, I think it worked. Melissa, too, allows us glimpses of problems that help explain why she doesn't always act with perfect understanding. J was a little bit overly perceptive for me--it felt like this was for the benefit of the reader, to understand why everyone else acts the way they do. For this reason, he is a shell character, allowing the reader to slip in, view the world through his eyes, and not feel entirely out of place. However, many protagonists are like this, including Harry Potter, so I forgive I Am J. It also touches on self-harm, believably, if only briefly.

Overall rating: 4/5

Project upshot: This was actually the inspiring book for the whole search--in order to find trans coming of age books, I looked up this book (which I already owned) on Amazon, looked under the 'other people bought' list, opened up all of those, looked at the 'other people bought' list for each of those, and repeated until I got out of relevant territory. I decided to reread it, to see if I wanted to put it in the paragraph. I'm considering it.