Refuse

by Elliott DeLine

Dean is an angry college-age kid that sometimes identifies as FTM transgender and sometimes decides he hates labels altogether. When his (female) roommate complains about their placement, the housing department places him with Colin, the only other out FTM on campus. Colin will go on to define much of the next years for Dean. In some ways they are similar--both love The Smiths and music in general, and Colin agrees with things Dean says. But mostly they are opposites. Colin is social, generally likeable, the poster boy transgender artist torn between being out to serve as a role model and going stealth (allowing others to believe he is a cisgender male) to be treated as a normal guy. Dean is sullen, bad at social interaction, full of unpalatable opinions, and otherwise extremely reminiscent of Holden Caulfield. Together they experience a trans support group with a troubled woman named Teddy, the sudden coming out of Dean's best friend Vivian's sister, Colin's on-again, off-again relationship with his girlfriend, and Colin's band, Owl Eyes, whose lead singer is both not quite good enough and Colin's best friend. Deep inside, though, Dean is honest with himself while Colin is not, and Dean has principles which he will not cross, but Colin will. These combined with a brutally honest first-person narration set after graduation interspersed with third-person narration set during college attach the reader to Dean. His inability to find something he wants to do after college and unwillingness to settle for something practical are offset to the reader by his real anathema of the social construct forcing him to do so and his self-awareness of the problem. We do not necessarily agree with Dean, but we understand why he does what he does. Triggers for mental illness and suicide.

Refuse is almost unrecognizable as the same story we left in the prequel, I Know Very Well How I Got My Name. Remaining are Dean's not-quite-fitting-in personality, his name, the shocking climax of the last book, and his best friend Vivian. Suddenly appearing are a snarky first-person narration, a love of The Smiths, writing, and music; and an attraction to guys. I'm also fairly sure Dean's parents were divorced before. These can't really be called flaws in this book so much as the last one, since this one (I think) was written first, and I've already written the review for the last one, so let this complaint stand on its own.
Dean was artfully handled to be sympathetic without being nice, and Colin, too, to be nice without being sympathetic. If there's any sure way to get an audience to accept or reject flaws, it's whether or not the character acknowledges and dislikes them. The plot tugged me ever onwards, and the organization didn't jar, oddly arranged in terms of time as it was. Definitely more engaging than the prequel.

Overall rating: 4.5/5

Project upshot: Not sure whether this book works as a touchstone. I like it better than the other, but it's so different from the book I want to write. Dean's personality colors everything in this book, and Leandra isn't like that at all. I'm glad I read it for its own sake, in any case.