Real Man Adventures

by T Cooper

Real Man Adventures is a collection of interviews, essays, lists, and other bits of snarkiness that T Cooper has assembled into what he calls "a mostly non-fiction book on the subject of masculinity with some biographical elements" (260). It discusses Cooper's experience of manhood and masculinity as a trans man, including his interactions with his parents, his brother, his wife, his kids, government officials, other trans people, and more.

Cooper is honest to a fault, owning up to his insecurities, his fears, his resentments, and his anger. And I do mean 'to a fault'. I seem to remember saying in a previous review to a previous book that a character's faults are most easily forgiven if the character owns up to and dislikes them. It doesn't work here. While I acknowledge Cooper's right to be angry when the passport office won't change his passport sex to M without genital surgery, I also think taking it out on the person on the other end of the phone (who, in all likelihood, neither makes the rules nor has the power to change them, and simply doesn't want to lose their job) wasn't the kindest or most useful thing to do. While I empathize with his insecurity concerning his wife's ample opportunities to find a cis man, he mentioned it enough times that I got frustrated and wanted to respond, "What more does she have to prove to you? She clearly adores you. You've adopted her children. She's transparent about what she's doing when she's out with other men (part of her job as a reporter). She's supportive and thoughtful about all the problems you come to her with, and she shoots you down the second you mention that she might prefer a cis man." I know these things aren't ruled by logic but by fear. I still wished he'd mention it less. His is a unique perspective--unlike many trans men, Cooper doesn't identify with 'born in the wrong body', nor does he have any single life-changing moment where he realized he was a man. He doesn't talk about his transition, he talks about his life after his transition, the parts of his life still affected by being trans even afterward. It's a good read if you've experienced similar frustrations and fears and need to know someone shares them, but not the sort of book you want to hand your mom to say, "Look! This is why you need to try harder to use the right pronouns!" There are some really good arguments about why you should try harder to use the right pronouns, but I recommend reading it yourself and rephrasing rather than just handing it over. The angry tone of it will likely put her on the defensive and you won't get anywhere. Much of it is amusing, some of it is confusing but stubbornly not elaborated upon. (In the chapter titled Ten Things People Assume I Must Understand About Women but Actually Don't, #1 is "The physical pain involved in menstruation" (59). There is no explanation as to why.) Not all of it is directly related to being trans, even though the experiences are necessarily colored by it.

Overall rating: 2.5/5

Project upshot: This one'll go back to the library. I feel duly warned against certain cliches, but that's it.